Ahhh, needless to say "D-day" came and went, and so did my willpower. It happens pretty much every time. I set a goal, then try as hard as I can to not complete it. I really don't know what makes me do this... I think it's the way I was always told to do things someone elses way and not able to trust what I thought was the right way. Or maybe it's just me being - well, me. I know that if I can just get through some days of really listening to my "inner voice" (insert Jai Uttal chanting here...) that I will become a more enlightened being. Perhaps that's what I'm afraid of. Excavating all my old junk is not going to be easy. I feel like I have a big mound of dirt in front of me, and only I have the keys to the bulldozer. Except I have an real aversion to bulldozers, and therefore will not move this dirt. On the other side of this mound are undiscovered wonders that I won't ever see cause I just won't gather my courage and start the f-ing dozer.
Sometimes I just get so sick of myself.
I had a great run today.
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